So I finished my second driving class and I have a new instructor: her name is Allanah. It seems that my old instructor has run into some personal problems and I have been assigned a chubby, black girl with attitude and a weave just below her shoulders. She was actually texting while I was driving and I guess she noticed me looking at her when she was doing it and she stop. She is very bossy but I like her because she knows what she is doing. I felt like Macon Leary walking the dog in a cast while Muriel gave me instructions. My cast was my lack of self-esteem and confidence. “Stay in your lane”, she kept saying as she texted. “Watch that turn”. “Don’t stop so fast”, “keep your eyes on the road.” For forty-five minutes we drove around Eastchester making lefts and rights and stopping. She said I did ok but I did not feel the confidence that one should feel when they know they have done a good job.

The next day as I was on the bus on my way to use the internet in my friend’s office, I saw a truck with Kim Kardashian’s picture on it promoting her new perfume and she was glamorized to the point in which she actually looked like a real star: a brunette Marilyn Monroe. Well, I looked at this Ad and wondered,’ why is this woman famous?’ Marilyn made movies and made people laugh and she was beautiful and charming and you wanted to be around her and be her friend. I did not get that warm feeling when I saw Kim Kardashian. I felt nothing. I felt and empty feeling because I could not trace back all the successful things that got her to where she is now. She made a porno, she has a big ass, she comes from a wealthy family and she never really had a real job. So what is the fascination with this woman? I do not know the fascination because I do not share what millions share and I feel it is because my level of intelligence is far greater than the average fan who considers this woman a star or even a celebrity. Then I got to think about all the reality shows and the people who are famous because of these shows. I call them FAKE CELEBRITIES because to me a real celebrity, a star is Penelope Cruz, Tom Cruise, Greta Garbo, Meryl Streep and Marilyn Monroe and so many others. They have done something: they relied on their talents to achieve that success. Reality Fake Celebrities have done nothing but read a poorly written script written by a reject of real TV, and act as ghetto or over the top as they can to stay at the top, to have that moment of glory and make it last on Youtube, on morning news, on gossip magazines and of course Bravo and MTV.

Bravo used to be such a wonderful channel full of Art and culture and now it robs the world of Art and culture. MTV no longer knows what music is because they are so busy capitalizing on The Hills and Jersey Shore: two shows full of clueless individuals who are constantly being “placed” in situations in which humiliation and stupidity begins to be the middle name of all Americans. I wonder, when other than Americans see these shows, do they think all Americans are that stupid, that ignorant, that far from reality? What about the people who watch these shows? What does it say about them? Are these shows creating a new breed of sub-culture in which being self-absorbed is the main ingredient to achieving stupidity and senselessness?

I grew up in the age of THE LOVE BOAT, THREE’S COMPANY, HAPPY DAYS, WHAT’S HAPPENING and so many other wonderful shows that had a theme song before the show began: a theme song that you and your friends or family sang along to. What joy to had had been part of that great era when TV was fun and for half and hour or an hour there was a story, there were characters, there was a lesson at the end of the show and we actually cared about these characters and wish we knew them. These new “reality TV” do not have the charm or the wit that classic TV had. To me, that says a lot about our society because what comes out of the screen is what is being born in the real world. You have a show full of ignorant, ghetto, trashy, uneducated individuals; you are recruiting to fill the world with ignorant, ghetto, trashy, uneducated individuals. What bothers me also, is the talk shows that actually give a platform to these shows and the people in it and the products that they get to sell. Now, even talk shows have become just as trashy by reducing themselves to what society wants rather than giving us the real celebrities who mean something, do something and stand for something. I was so glad Oprah never fell into that trap and only gave the world what the world needed to make it better.

This world is full of people doing wonderful things such as feeding the homeless, the poor, helping abuse people and yet no one makes a show about them. No one gives them a million dollars for their act of kindness. Yet we reward the ignorant, the drunk, the drug addict, the thief, the uneducated, the worthless, the abuser, the racist and anything and anyone who actually breaks the beauty of a culture and a society. We give them a show, we put the on talk shows, we hire them to endorse our products and we make them comfortable for life. Yet, the real heroes or our society as pushed aside, seen as weak for having a heart, a sissy if he cries for humanity, and not cool because he or she has not been bad enough to get a standing ovation from idiots who think they are being cute and witty, but are only shooting themselves in the foot because even though you are in a TV show, it does not mean that your entire will be a TV show in which you can talk your way out of the real world when the public no longer wants you.

We have reached and age in which THE ANGRY BLACK WOMAN has been capitalized by Bravo to make them millions of dollars. The Real Housewives of Atlanta is the number one show on Bravo and all because these women fight, called themselves bitches, heffer, whore, sluts, and anything that would degrade a woman. But the mighty dollar speaks so loud that these women are deaf to common sense. Here is a show in which every stereotype of THE ANGRY BLACK WOMAN is portrayed and these women could care less as long as they get their money and pay the rent. With so many intelligent, black women out there, why does TV decide to show the stereotype rather than the advancement of the black woman? Yes this show does have women who have an education but also have been involved with criminals as lovers and the shows makes sure that information is known. Why? Because it discredit the woman that no matter how educated she is, she still has that piece of low-down country trash in her that she cannot leave behind. During the Apprentice, it was Start Jones and Nene from THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA who fought and they got more than 30 seconds of camera time. Notice how Donald Trump only jumped in when enough was said to actually make the women look like idiots. Yes, the women did do this to themselves as well but I am sure they were encouraged to give it “more”, to be blacker, more street. Why? MONEY! That is the only reason. High ratings bring in money.

How sad that we have reached a point in our society in which these people are now on the cover or our magazines, selling our products, invading our TV, becoming Halloween costumes and society keeps rewarding them more and more. I wonder if MTV or Bravo would ever invest on a show about decent human beings helping society without the sex, drugs, fistfights or name-calling? I wonder if they will ever invest in such a show.

The greed for the mighty dollar has weakened this country into becoming a society of imbeciles whose only understanding of culture is that not all the cast members of THE JERSEY SHORE are Italians.

Now ask them where Italy is.

So on Saturday the 20^th of August 2011 I had my first driving lesson with my instructor, Eugene. Eugene is a white man in his late 40’s or early 50’s and looked more from the south than from New York City with his Wrangler jeans and checkered, blue shirt. He looked as if he just woke up from drinking all night and he desperately tried to fix whatever left of his white hair he had left. We shook hands and he introduced himself and I noticed that he had a few teeth missing towards the back his mouth, so the only way to see them was if he smiled and they would be at the corner of his mouth.

My car was a blue Hyundai and he drove first and then we switched when he found the street where I would begin my lesson. I was nervous and trembling due to all the traffic that I saw around me, but I knew that if I had to do this, I had to take the bulls by the horn. We were in the Eastchester part of the Bronx, with the small houses that very much resembles a suburb but with bodegas.

Eugene instructed me about the breaks and signaling when turning and I was so nervous I almost quit and it did run through my mind that this would be my only class and that is it. But I made my turns, some great, so long, I stopped at the STOP signs, I stopped at the red lights and according to Eugene he had been with worst. After half an hour, I began to gain more confidence and it was becoming easier to look rearview mirror, use my peripheral vision and actually have a conversation with Eugene about my neighborhood since he grew up no far from me. Finally, he put out his hand and said, “good job” and we switched places and he parked the car. That was my class for the day; my first class and I will never forget it. I know for some people they are probably asking themselves, “What is the big deal!” well it is a big deal for me because in a month I will be 41 and to me this is an accomplishment that I will finish and I will pass that test.

On my way to my driving class, earlier, I took the bus and I was listening to Rascal Flats, which is a country group that I really like a lot. I asked the lord to give me a sign that I should leave NYC and ten minutes later, a heavy set, latina woman sat behind me, talking on her phone cell, loud, loud, loud and having no consideration for anyone on the bus. She kept on talking and despite me having my big studio headphones on, I could still hear here more than my own music. That was the first sign because I hate rudeness in public transportation when it comes to phones or people eating or just playing the music so loud you can hear it coming out of their headphones.

When I took the bus back, on my way to my home, the bus was very much empty with about 20 people in the accordion bus. Two black women actually had a conversation from one end of the bus to the other. In other words, one was in the front and the other in the back. They asked how they doing, where you going, you still go to that club, and not once did they had the decency to get closer and have the conversation that way. Well, while this shouting match was going on, a Latino man, with jean shorts that went up to his ankles and a bandana was eating his KFC. I grew more and more inpatient until I realized: “these are my signs!” I got off at the last stop and went to the library to return my videos and my mind was made up.

I could not help but think on how sometimes people of color do it to themselves to be and support a stereotype. We no longer need others to put us down because some are doing such a great job at being everything that humiliates a race and culture. What is it about today’s society that loves being so anti-positive and instead chose to be a caricature of what should be normal? I hear people using the N word into every sentence that comes out of their mouth as if that word never had a meaning and the only meaning that means anything to “them” is the one that matters now. Is it poverty? But if that is the case, then how come others who grew up in the same place do not use it? Why do some chose to support a sub-culture full of nothing positive but rather a distorted version of the truth, of culture, language and race? Is it to fit in? Is it lack of education? Once again, some go to the same school, receive the same classes and live in the same neighborhoods, but yet, stay away from anything that they know is demeaning and a humiliation to any intelligent person.

I see people all over my neighborhood throw garbage on the ground after they are eating something or anything that they do not want. It can be either children, teens or grown people. I see it all the time do this while a garbage can is right in front of them. Why? I still cannot answer that question. This is why I hate it when I hear people of color say, “ only white people live in nice, clean neighborhoods.” No, they are clean because they keep them clean. Your neighborhood is dirty because you graffiti your walls, you don’t clean up after your dog, you blast your music to be heard for blocks, you throw garbage on the ground instead of the garbage can, you hang out in the corner doing nothing, you scream instead of speaking normally. I know that seems as if I am picking on people, but the truth is that no one wants to tell the truth. Neighborhoods do not become poor because a meteor from outer space hit it and everything was destroyed. It becomes destroyed when people destroy it.

After returning my DVD, I walked home, sat in front of the TV and started watching a program about space and the men said something about space, “ in the midst of all that chaos, there is order.” I hope so!!!

So today was my first day towards getting my driver's license. It was a 5 hour class with some videos and one of the videos was an Oprah episode on Texting while driving and how dangerous it is. Those some very long 5 hours but it is done and finished and on August 20th, I begin my first driving class. I am a bit nervous because I do not do well in exams and also because of all those horrific videos that were shown on crashes and victims and it was kind of scary. I must say, I did get discouraged for a bit, but I quicky realize that it always fear that keeps me from moving forward and getting what I want. My faith will help me, I will get this, I will get over the fear, I will get the things and the life that I have always wanted and I will smile because once I open that door that my own place, I can say that everything inside is mine. I know you might be wondering, " how in the hell did he get all that from just learning how to drive?" Well, I have a plan and I do hope it does not backfire like the rest of my plans, but rather flourish. I am moving forward, going ahead, tunnel vision without distractions and I am doing it correctly this time. Wish me well.

so tomorrow begins my first driving lesson and I am very nervous about it. I will be 41 next month and I have only attempted once, in Houston, to learn how to drive. I was nervous and almost everything I did was wrong. I think that happened because I did not feel confident enough. I feel confident now, I feel ready and I feel that it is going to happen. This is the first step towards a plan I have for myself. I wan't something different in my life that it has been brewing for a while and I wan't it so badly that I feel I can make it and learning how to drive, will get me closer to what I want in life. I used to feel, just a few months ago, that I was too old to begin something new; something that I should had known when I was old enough to get my license. I know for many, this is not a big deal, and I am sure those feelings only come from those who already know how to drive. For me, it is a big deal because it is something I am going to start and make sure I will finish it. You can only work hard enough if you want something hard enough. If you want it bad enough and you do not work for it,well, then it is meaningless and you are far more in love with the idea rather than the hardship to get to that place where you know you might find some peace. This might be symbolic, learning how to drive: that it might take me away from what I am running away, but I am not running away from good, but from the bad. It has taken a lot for me to accept certain things, people, ideas and my life. Learning to drive will be something that new in my life and not the run-of-the-mill episodes. My friend said to me that once you have your license and begin to drive, you feel liberated and you feel as if you can do more now. I just want to accomplish this, for me, and only for me.