so tomorrow begins my first driving lesson and I am very nervous about it. I will be 41 next month and I have only attempted once, in Houston, to learn how to drive. I was nervous and almost everything I did was wrong. I think that happened because I did not feel confident enough. I feel confident now, I feel ready and I feel that it is going to happen. This is the first step towards a plan I have for myself. I wan't something different in my life that it has been brewing for a while and I wan't it so badly that I feel I can make it and learning how to drive, will get me closer to what I want in life. I used to feel, just a few months ago, that I was too old to begin something new; something that I should had known when I was old enough to get my license. I know for many, this is not a big deal, and I am sure those feelings only come from those who already know how to drive. For me, it is a big deal because it is something I am going to start and make sure I will finish it. You can only work hard enough if you want something hard enough. If you want it bad enough and you do not work for it,well, then it is meaningless and you are far more in love with the idea rather than the hardship to get to that place where you know you might find some peace. This might be symbolic, learning how to drive: that it might take me away from what I am running away, but I am not running away from good, but from the bad. It has taken a lot for me to accept certain things, people, ideas and my life. Learning to drive will be something that new in my life and not the run-of-the-mill episodes. My friend said to me that once you have your license and begin to drive, you feel liberated and you feel as if you can do more now. I just want to accomplish this, for me, and only for me.